My Lifetime Choice

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"Don't expect anything, 

don't deceive me."

these are the words, 

I keep on repeating to myself.

My hatred is growing stronger.


Not to belong to this aborted world,

is what I mostly strive for,

even tears don't fall anymore, I'm tired,

I can't bring myself out of this misery,

Why did the world choose me?


I was the one your heart picked,

but it was all a lie, I'm giving up,

there was never hope to begin with.

I just want to crash once again,

and never see clearly at all anymore.

Erase, please erase me forever.


There is no beauty nor hope in this world,

I was deceived, the gods deceived me.

I think I will just keep living this life,

Pushing everyone away, I'm hurt enough already,

Even though these feelings won't seep away.


Don't even try to ease or comfort me,

Don't even say how stupid I'm being,

I'm even better off dead from your life,

I've had enough from all this confusion,

It's not as if I'm going to love again,

because, I even deny myself to flow and dwell in hope.

I will pierce this feeling from now on,

this is my lifetime choice.


but my heart is still falling for you

In every corner my eyes seek your shapes

I want to kiss you, I want to be the only one

I want to feel your lips kissing my skin

I want to feel your body touching mine

however, I just want to sink in this depression forever

I just want to die, I just want to disappear completely

I just want you to completely forget me forever

This is my last journey, I'll put an end to this fate

image; https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/72309197

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