Distress

-


I have been relying on
painkillers
to flicker emotions
and hide the pain.

Now my body
is shattered,
I can only gaze
at the emptiness
of these fleeting days.

I repressed myself,
ran away,
tried to darken the past,
intoxicating myself
with that feeling of comfort.

I tried to pretend
something I'm not,
but it's time to stop,
be down to earth,
follow my steps.

Let's be reckless,
free from shame,
shape words
with a true heart.

A day I'll heal
because memories
become vague
with time,
there won't be any
depth to them anymore.

But I'm not going to obscure
the trauma, what meaning
would it all have then?

If the emotions
that follow up
these words
are sincere,
then there is
nothing to be
afraid of.

I intoxicated myself
with that delusional
comfort that followed
with all of my grudges,
that won't happen again.

No light is being shed
in a dream where
I sighed deeply.
 
The darkness
no longer holds me,
I can now flee
from all the lies
I once told myself
with empty happiness.


Tradução:

Eu tenho dependido
de analgésicos
para despertar emoções
e esconder a dor.

Agora o meu corpo
está num caco,
eu apenas posso olhar
para o vazio
destes dias fugazes.

Eu reprimi-me,
fugi,
tentei obscurecer o passado,
intoxicando-me
com aquele sentimento de conforto.

Eu tentei fingir
ser algo que não sou,
mas é tempo de parar,
ter os pés em terra,
seguir os meus passos.

Vamos ser imprudentes,
livres da humilhação,
formar palavras
com um coração verdadeiro.

Um dia eu irei ficar curado
porque as memórias
tornam-se vagas
com o tempo,
não haverá mais qualquer
profundidade nelas.

Mas eu não irei obscurecer
o trauma, que significado
teria então tudo isto?

Se as emoções
que seguem
estas palavras
são sinceras,
então não há
nada a temer.

Eu intoxicava-me
com aquele conforto
delirante que se seguia
sempre aos meus remorsos,
isso não irá mais acontecer.

Nenhuma luz está a ser derramada
num sonho onde
eu suspirava profundamente.

A escuridão
já não me segura mais,
agora posso fugir
de todas as mentiras
que dizia a mim mesmo
com uma felicidade vazia.

images/imagens:

1 - https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/55083464

2 - https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/86853179

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